What do querying, job applications, and applying for grad school all have in common?
They’re exhausting.
Rejections, rejections, rejections.
When you boil all these things down to their basic components, they’re all the same. And trying to juggle what feels like 3x the amount of applications has been nothing short of tough. These kinds of things were designed for the neurotypical brain, and my brain is… not that.
What do I prioritize? Do I prioritize my novel? Grad school? Finding a new job after years of my current job not offering any development?
Turns out, my priorities are just about in that order. Blood of the Gods will always come first—it’s been my passion project for, what, the past three, four years? I’ve lost track. But I want to see it out into the world, especially knowing publishing takes a long time. The sooner I can get the wheels turning, the sooner I’ll be able to scream to the mountaintops, “I’ve published a book!”
The uncertainty of it is killing me, though. At least with grad school apps, there’s a clear end point. I’ll hear back about acceptances or rejections come springtime, and in the fall, I’ll either be in school, or, well, I’ll be applying to others, I guess.
I’ve been so antsy to finish my grad school applications that my mom had to text me and remind me that it’s okay to take my time. I have until January to put out my applications. Rushing won’t do me any good. Deep breath.
Lagging in last place is my job applications. If I get into grad school, the job applications won’t matter, because I’d be leaving them anyways. Maybe, for now, I should just coast in the job I’m in, put up with it for a little while longer, because hey—at least I’m getting paid something.
But, gods almighty—an expression used somewhat frequently in Blood of the Gods—why does applying for things have to be so draining? It’s amazing how putting out, say, three job applications at a time leaves me feeling like I need to lay down for the rest of the day. All I’m doing is clicking ‘upload’ and then ‘submit!’ What’s up with that?
These threefold applications have gotten me thinking quite a lot about rejections. I have a very thick skin, courtesy of my time in art school + working in the video production industry. I don’t mind rejections, they don’t devalue my self-worth, they don’t harm me. But they’re still there, and they’re still barriers.
I worry about being rejected from grad school the most. The stakes feel the highest here. Most creative writing MFA programs I’ve researched have a 5% or lower acceptance rate. How do I make myself stand out? How do I make myself matter?
Agent rejections are a different beast, though, because the stakes don’t feel quite as high. I shrug them off, for the most part, but a few of them have made me snicker. My very first agent rejection went as follows:
There is a lot about this I really liked. Your writing is smooth accessible and immediately hooked me + the pacing was strong! As much as I loved the playful tone, I worried things felt more YA than adult fantasy in the opening chapters. For this reason, I've decided to pass but I know this one is a gem and I’m sure someone will snap it up soon!
First off, the fact that my first rejection was an honest, personalized one? Wow! But it caught me off guard. I don’t want to write YA, it’s as simple as that. So the fact that this agent flagged my tone as being more YA than adult, well, it felt a little ouch, for lack of a better phrase. I haven’t heard that feedback from any other agent thus far, so it was just his opinion (and it’s a valid one, of course!) but it got me thinking. What elements make a novel YA versus adult? Google is useless—most sites say YA features teenaged characters, and offers little else.
I’m pretty sure “ageless god” and “twenty-nine year old man” don’t count as teenagers. Fairly certain. Could be wrong, though. ¯(ツ)/¯
Anyway, I’m not going to stress over it. I’ve read adult novels with simpler language and tone. I’ve read YA novels with more complex tones and language. Heck, Dune is an adult novel, but Paul Atreides starts out fifteen years old! And Hell Followed With Us was one of the most gripping stories, content- and prose-wise, that I’ve read in a while, and it’s YA. So, yeah. Not too worried. I’m sure there’s some industry standards, but it seems to me like it’s all in the author’s intention.
As of the past week or so, I’ve taken a bit of a pause on querying. Not at all related to the previous feedback I mentioned. One agent I queried told me that she wasn’t outright accepting me just yet, as I needed to tune up my prose, but once I did I’ll be welcome to resubmit my query. So, I’m digging through Blood of the Gods for the umpteenth time and cutting out every unnecessary word. I’m halfway into the manuscript, and I’ve already dropped my wordcount from 115k to 110k. Not sure if I should be excited or scared by that.
Once I cut every unnecessary word, I’m going to do one more comb-through and tighten up my descriptive language a bit more. Hopefully that’ll buff up my word count a touch again, because I swear, by the time I’m done combing through this book, it’s going to be 3 words long!
In other news—this week, I’ll be gearing up to start not-quite-NaNoWriMo. That organization has just been tripping down stairs recently. But my local writer’s group has taken the event into their own hands, and my friends and I will be doing… pretty much the same exact thing as NaNoWriMo, but without all the weird AI stances and forum drama. Yikes.
Thanks for reading! Catch ya next time. Whenever that might be—I still need to figure out my update schedule!
Wren Rivers
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